As a couples therapist, one of the biggest pieces of advice I would give any couple, happy or unhappy, is to tend to your relationship. Relationships are very similar to living beings, they need care and comfort to thrive. When each partner dedicates their time and effort into making small gestures, it can increase the relationship satisfaction tenfold.
Many couples come to couples counseling looking for action items. Things they can DO to change the atmosphere of their relationship. Here are 6 tips for couples who are looking to improve their connection.
-
Express appreciation. Sharing your observation with your partner that you see their positive actions is equivalent to giving your partner a little shot of ‘go-juice’ when it comes to continuing the positive behavior. And people who feel appreciated tend to share an appreciation for others. It’s a win-win.
-
Make the most of the comings and goings. Some couples overlook the little moments of saying hello and waving goodbye and, in reality, these are some of the most important little moments in a relationship. Making sure to give a kiss or touch hello and goodbye, making eye contact with each other, sharing a smile, these all communicate ‘you are important to me and I am valuing our time together’.
-
If you do find yourselves in conflict, sometimes it’s better to call for a time-out than continue to escalate. When recognizing the need for a break is there, created a structured time out instead of just leaving. To do this, announce the need for a break, “I’m getting escalated, I need a time out” then let your partner know you’re coming back. State the importance of the conversation and the desire to come together again. “Our conversation is important to me, but I’m getting too upset to think. I’m going to take a break for one hour then I’d like for us to meet back here and continue talking”.
-
Schedule sex. This tip does not sound sexy, but it’s vital. Some couples have made the decision to wait until they are both, simultaneously in the mood for sex and they end up having less sex than they’d like. With scheduling sex, you don’t have to show up ready to go, but rather show up with an openness and willingness to try. It’s very similar to that feeling before you go to the gym, you may not want to go beforehand but as soon as you finish your workout you feel great, energized, proud. This is the same thing with sex.
-
Communicate throughout the day. By sending your partner a quick text, meme, or call, you’re communicating ‘you’re on my mind’. This is a quick easy way to give your partner a quick connection point during a busy day.
-
Try something new together. Engaging in a new-to-both-of-you activity allows you to experience yourself and your partner under stress. This may not sound like a fun idea, but you’re creating a stressful environment so you can bond in the stress. People under stress tend to come together, so explore some lighthearted-stressful activities together.
Without intentionally putting energy into your relationship, it can become stagnate, unfulfilling, and unsatisfying. When you each decide to be intentional about your relationship, by creating it together instead of letting it happen by itself, you decide what type of relationship works best for each of you. It shows you respect yourself, your partner, and the experience you’re sharing together.
If you’re ready to work towards a more secure connection, give us a call today. We’re happy to guide you towards a healthier relationship.
