Intrusive Thoughts and How to Respond

Have you ever had a thought that felt completely out of place? Maybe it was disturbing, confusing, or so unlike you that it made you question yourself? If so, you’re not alone.

You’re in the Majority

Research shows that 90% of people admit to experiencing intrusive thoughts – meaning almost everyone has them. The difference isn’t whether or not you have these thoughts, but how you respond to them. If you’ve ever thought, “Does having this thought make me a bad person?” then by that logic, almost everyone would be “bad.”

But that’s not how thoughts work.

Why Do Intrusive Thoughts Feel So Disturbing?

Intrusive thoughts are called intrusive for a reason – they pop into our minds uninvited and often go against our morals and values. In psychology, we call this “ego-dystonic” – thoughts that don’t align with who we are.

To understand this, try this exercise:

  1. Think about your personal values – what truly matters to you? Maybe it’s kindness, love, or supporting others. When you focus on these values, they probably bring a sense of warmth and fulfillment.
  2. Now, think about how your intrusive thoughts make you feel – most likely, uneasy, unsettled, or even afraid. That emotional reaction is actually evidence that these thoughts are not a reflection of you.

Intrusive thoughts only feel distressing because they contradict the person you are.

Why Fighting Intrusive Thoughts Makes Them Worse

Here’s the tricky part: The more you try to push intrusive thoughts away, the stronger they become. It’s like telling yourself not to think about a penguin – suddenly, that’s all your brain wants to focus on.

Trying to “get rid” of an intrusive thought reinforces the idea that it’s dangerous or meaningful. This cycle of fear and resistance gives the thought power, even though the thought itself is harmless.

What Actually Helps?

Instead of fighting intrusive thoughts, try this approach:

  • Acknowledge them without reacting. When an intrusive thought pops up, notice it like background noise rather than engaging with it.
  • Remind yourself: “This is just a thought.” Thoughts are not facts, nor do they define you.
  • Allow the discomfort to exist. Instead of scrambling to push the thought away, practice sitting with the discomfort and letting it fade on its own.
  • Focus on your actions, not your thoughts. You don’t need to control every thought to be a good person. What matters is how you live according to your values.

Final Reminder: Thoughts Are Not Threats

Intrusive thoughts do not mean anything about you. It’s not the thought that’s the problem – it’s how you respond to it. The goal is not to eliminate intrusive thoughts, but to change the way you interact with them so they lose their grip over you.

If intrusive thoughts are interfering with your life, therapy – especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) – can be incredibly effective in breaking the cycle. Reach out to us today to schedule a session.

Why We Push Away the People We Love

If you often push people away and struggle to understand why, you’re not alone. Many people find themselves withdrawing from loved ones, especially in moments of conflict or vulnerability.

At the core of this reaction is fear – the fear of not being accepted as you are, of being rejected or abandoned, or even of losing the people you love. To protect yourself from potential hurt, you may instinctively pull back, shut down, or create emotional distance. While this response may have helped you feel safe in the past, it often causes more harm than good in your relationships today.

Why Do We Push People Away?

This pattern is often rooted in childhood experiences. If you felt rejected, abandoned, or emotionally neglected as a child, you may have learned to cope by withdrawing. As a child, shutting down might have been the only way to protect yourself from overwhelming emotions. Over time, this became an automatic response – even when it no longer serves you.

People who struggle with avoidance in relationships often have insecure attachment, particularly an avoidant or disorganized attachment style. This means that while you may deeply crave connection, you also feel uncomfortable with too much emotional closeness.

How Avoidance Affects Relationships

When you withdraw from others, you might:

  • Struggle to express your needs and emotions.
  • Pull away when someone gets too close, even if you love them.
  • End relationships prematurely due to fear of rejection or loss.

While this behavior may feel protective, it actually reinforces emotional isolation and deepens the wounds you’re trying to avoid.

How to Stop Pushing People Away

The good news is that these patterns can change. Healing starts with self-awareness and small, intentional shifts in how you relate to others.

Here are a few steps to work toward healthier connection:

  • Recognize the pattern. Simply noticing when you start to withdraw is an important first step.
  • Challenge the fear. Ask yourself: Am I really at risk of being rejected, or am I reacting based on past experiences?
  • Practice small moments of vulnerability. Opening up doesn’t have to mean huge emotional disclosures – start by sharing small thoughts, feelings, or experiences with people you trust.
  • Consider therapy. Working with a therapist provides a safe space to explore your fears of closeness, build emotional trust, and develop healthier ways to navigate relationships. A therapeutic relationship can also serve as a corrective experience, showing you that you can be accepted as you are.

Avoiding vulnerability may feel like self-protection, but in reality, vulnerability is what heals. By taking small steps toward emotional openness, you can move from fear to connection and build the fulfilling relationships you truly want.

If this resonates with you, consider reaching out for support – you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Understanding Insecure Attachment in Relationships

If you often feel afraid that people in your life may hurt or leave you, you may struggle with insecure attachment. This is a common experience and happens when we’ve felt rejected or abandoned in some way during childhood.

What Is Insecure Attachment?

Insecure attachment falls into three main categories:

  • Preoccupied attachment – Feeling anxious about relationships and seeking constant reassurance.
  • Avoidant attachment – Withdrawing emotionally to protect yourself.
  • Disorganized attachment – A mix of both anxious and avoidant behaviors, often rooted in deep fear and confusion about relationships.

It’s important to note that everyone experiences some level of attachment insecurity. It develops from early experiences – sometimes even small moments like being left alone to cry in your room as a toddler when you didn’t want to nap. In those moments, a child may feel abandoned, and because they don’t yet have the ability to regulate their emotions, the distress can feel overwhelming.

As we grow up, these early experiences shape how we respond to relationships. When we sense someone might leave us or hurt us, we often react in ways that once helped us feel safe as children – even if those reactions don’t serve us well as adults.

How Different Attachment Styles Show Up

When faced with relationship distress:

  • Preoccupied attachment – You may try to pull closer, cling to the person, or prove your worth, hoping it will make them stay.
  • Avoidant attachment – You may withdraw or shut down emotionally to protect yourself from feeling hurt.

These reactions aren’t conscious choices but deeply ingrained responses to early fears of abandonment.

Healing Insecure Attachment

The good news is that attachment styles aren’t set in stone. You can build a more secure connection with yourself and others over time. Therapy can be a powerful tool in this process – offering a safe space to experience a healthy, supportive relationship and develop new patterns of connection. Through this process, you can:

  • Understand yourself on a deeper level.
  • Work through underlying anxiety and fears.
  • Strengthen your ability to feel secure and connected in relationships.

Attachment healing isn’t about never feeling anxious or withdrawn – it’s about recognizing these reactions, understanding where they come from, and learning how to respond in ways that create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

If you’re ready to work on building more secure relationships, consider reaching out to one of our therapists who can support you on this journey.

Disobeying Yourself: A Key to Overcoming Anxiety and OCD

The Power of Breaking the Rules Your Mind Sets

When struggling with anxiety or OCD, it often feels like our minds dictate strict rules we must follow. These rules tell us that if we don’t engage in certain behaviors – whether it’s checking, counting, washing, or seeking reassurance – something terrible will happen. The fear of these supposed consequences can feel overwhelming, making it seem impossible to resist the urge to comply.

But here’s the truth: you can disobey yourself sometimes.

Challenging the Fear of Consequences

One of the most effective ways to break free from the grip of OCD and anxiety is to challenge the idea that these compulsions keep you safe. If your mind tells you that you have to engage in a certain behavior to be okay, what happens if you don’t?

For example, let’s say you have a fear of contamination and feel compelled to wash your hands excessively after touching raw meat. Instead of following the usual routine, what if you reduce the number of washes by just one? If you normally wash 10 times, try stopping at 9. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but the goal is to prove to yourself that you will still be okay.

And if you do happen to get sick? You will still be okay. Discomfort doesn’t mean disaster. The more you allow yourself to sit with uncertainty, the more you build resilience and prove that your fears are not as powerful as they seem.

Finding Freedom Through Gradual Change

Exposure and response prevention (ERP) is a powerful way to take back control. It doesn’t mean making drastic changes overnight. Instead, you start small – reducing a compulsion step by step – until you prove to yourself that the feared consequences don’t actually happen or, if they do, that you can handle them.

You are capable of this. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when your mind fights back. Each time you resist the urge to give in, you take one step closer to freedom.

Take the Next Step

If you’re struggling with anxiety or OCD, know that you don’t have to face it alone. Therapy can provide the tools and support you need to break free from the cycle of compulsions and fear. If you’re ready to take the next step, reach out today – we’d love to help you navigate this journey.

How to Break Free from Compulsive Googling: Tips for Managing Health Anxiety and Health OCD

If you struggle with health anxiety or health-related OCD, you may find yourself compulsively Googling symptoms in search of reassurance. While it might feel like a way to calm your fears, the reality is that this behavior reinforces your anxiety over time, creating a cycle that’s hard to break.

At first glance, Googling might seem like a harmless habit – an easy way to gain clarity about what’s happening in your body. But more often than not, it can lead you down a rabbit hole of worst-case scenarios, increasing your fear rather than alleviating it. If this sounds familiar, know that it’s possible to stop relying on Googling as a compulsion. It’s not easy, but with the right approach, you can regain control.

Why Googling Feeds Anxiety

When you Google symptoms, it might feel like you’re taking control or “doing something” to ease your worry. However, this temporary relief comes at a cost. Each time you search for answers, you’re training your brain to associate Googling with anxiety reduction. Over time, this reinforces the compulsion, making it harder to resist.

Compulsive Googling also creates a false sense of urgency. Anxiety convinces you that you must act immediately, research every possibility, and find answers now. In reality, this urgency is part of the anxiety cycle – it’s not reflective of actual danger.

A Step-by-Step Approach to Breaking the Cycle

If you’re ready to take steps toward reducing compulsive Googling, here’s a strategy to try:

  1. Pause and Sit with Discomfort
    When a symptom scares you, resist the urge to search for information immediately. Instead, pause and sit with the discomfort. Acknowledge the feeling without trying to eliminate it. Remind yourself, “I don’t need to figure this out right now.”
  2. Practice Deep Breathing
    Ground yourself with slow, deep breaths to help regulate your nervous system. Anxiety thrives on urgency, but taking a moment to breathe can help you slow down and reconnect with the present.
  3. Set a Timeframe
    Tell yourself, “I can wait a week (or two) before taking action.” This gives your body a chance to heal naturally if the symptom is temporary while breaking the immediate response to act. If the symptom persists after the timeframe, you can take the next step and call a doctor.
  4. Take It One Step at a Time
    If a doctor’s visit becomes necessary, approach it step by step. Anxiety may try to convince you that you need all the answers immediately, but you don’t. Trust the process, and focus on the next logical step instead of trying to predict every outcome.

Embracing Discomfort as Part of the Journey

Learning to sit with discomfort between steps is crucial. Anxiety tells you that you must resolve uncertainty right away, but practicing patience and tolerance for discomfort builds resilience. Over time, you’ll find that you don’t need to rely on Googling – or any compulsion – to manage your anxiety.

Moving Forward

Breaking free from compulsive Googling is a process that requires commitment and practice. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Working with a therapist can provide guidance, support, and tools to help you manage health anxiety and break free from compulsions.

If you’re ready to take the next step in your healing journey, we’re here to help. Schedule a consultation today.

Stop Avoiding and Start Living: How to Face Anxiety and OCD One Step at a Time

Breaking the Cycle of Anxiety and OCD: Why Avoidance Isn’t the Answer

Do you find yourself frequently avoiding certain situations, people, or places to escape the uncomfortable feelings that anxiety or OCD brings? It’s completely understandable – you know that facing these scenarios might lead to stress, worry, or even panic, and avoiding them feels like a way to protect yourself. Unfortunately, while avoidance offers short-term relief, it only strengthens your anxiety in the long run. You’re essentially teaching your brain that these situations are dangerous when, in reality, they don’t have to be.

When we avoid things that trigger our anxiety, we reinforce the fear associated with them. This leads to a cycle where even minor triggers can start to feel overwhelming, and our lives become more restricted. You might notice how avoidance causes even more inconvenience over time – limiting your social life, routines, or even the places you feel comfortable visiting.

The good news is that there’s a way out of this cycle, and it doesn’t involve diving headfirst into overwhelming situations. Instead, through gradual exposure, you can begin to face your fears in a way that feels manageable and safe, especially when working with a therapist.

Gradual Exposure: Tackling Fear, One Step at a Time

Gradual exposure, commonly used in therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), involves facing your fears in small, manageable steps. The idea is to slowly expose yourself to anxiety-provoking situations until they no longer trigger the same level of fear.

Let’s say there’s a specific street you avoid driving down because it makes you anxious. Instead of forcing yourself to drive down the entire street right away, you might start by driving just a quarter of the way. Do this a few times, and as you become more comfortable, try driving halfway down the street. Eventually, you’ll find that you can drive the full length of the street without feeling anxious.

The same method can be applied to social situations. If large gatherings make you uncomfortable, start by attending a small gathering of five people. Once you feel more at ease with that, you can gradually work your way up to larger groups. Each time you expose yourself to a slightly more challenging situation, you’ll notice that the fear begins to diminish. Over time, what once felt unbearable will become something you can handle, if not feel completely comfortable with.

Why Gradual Exposure Works

The power of gradual exposure lies in its ability to retrain your brain. Each time you face a fear without avoiding it, you’re sending a message to your brain that the situation isn’t as dangerous as it once seemed. Over time, your anxiety response will lessen, and you’ll regain control over areas of your life that anxiety once dominated.

But it’s important to do this at your own pace. Jumping too far ahead in the process can feel overwhelming and may lead you to retreat back into avoidance. This is why working with a therapist can be so helpful – they can guide you through the steps, ensuring that you’re challenging yourself in a way that feels safe and productive.

Ready to Take the First Step?

If you’re ready to stop avoiding and start facing your fears, our team of therapists is here to help. We specialize in evidence-based treatments like CBT and ERP that are proven to reduce anxiety and break the cycle of avoidance. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, OCD, or both, we can help you create a tailored plan that works at your pace.

Schedule a session with one of our therapists today to begin your journey toward a life where anxiety no longer calls the shots. You don’t have to do this alone – reach out and take the first step toward lasting change.

Reassurance Seeking with Anxiety and OCD

Reassurance seeking is when you ask someone a question from a place of fear, hoping to get an answer that will reduce your anxiety in the moment. This could be asking a loved one for reassurance about their feelings, or it could even be turning to Google to find answers about a symptom you’re experiencing. The underlying motivation is the same: you want to ease your discomfort right away. While it might help you feel better momentarily, relying on reassurance as a way to manage anxiety is actually a compulsion.

Compulsions are behaviors that people with anxiety or OCD use to neutralize or reduce their distress. In the case of reassurance seeking, the behavior reinforces the anxiety because each time you seek reassurance, you’re giving more power to that fear. The relief you feel is temporary, and over time, you become increasingly dependent on the reassurance. What we want to do is take away the power of these compulsions so you no longer feel the need to seek reassurance at all.

An Example: Health Anxiety

Let’s say you feel a new symptom that aligns with an illness you’re afraid of. Your first instinct might be to rush to Google and search for answers. Or maybe you reach out to someone and ask if they’ve ever experienced the same symptom, hoping to hear that it’s nothing serious. That momentary relief can feel really good. It’s comforting to know that you’re probably okay.

But what happens an hour later when the symptom returns? Or the next day when a new symptom pops up? You’re back in the same spiral, seeking reassurance all over again.

To break this cycle, work with a therapist to face the fear head-on. Instead of googling or asking someone else for reassurance, practice sitting with the discomfort. Acknowledge the symptom by saying, “I’m experiencing this right now, but I don’t need to know what it is.” If the symptom is still a concern in a few weeks, you can take steps toward figuring it out, but for now, sit with the uncertainty. It will be uncomfortable at first, but over time, it becomes easier.

Reassurance Seeking in Relationships

Reassurance seeking doesn’t only happen with health concerns—it can show up in relationships too. For example, if your partner is taking a while to respond to your text, you might feel compelled to ask them, “Do you still love me?” or “Are you cheating on me?” When they reassure you that everything is fine, it feels good in the moment. But what happens the next time they take a while to respond? The anxiety creeps back in, and you feel the urge to ask for reassurance all over again.

Instead of seeking reassurance and running away from the fear, try facing it. What if the fear is true? What if your partner doesn’t love you anymore? It might feel like the end of the world in the moment, but would it truly be the end of your world? Maybe it would be hard at first, and it would take time to heal, but it wouldn’t destroy you. In fact, you might find that good things come out of the situation—you’ll have more time for yourself, more room to grow, and you’ll learn valuable lessons along the way.

Taking Back Your Power

The key to overcoming reassurance seeking is learning to sit with the discomfort and face your fears rather than constantly giving in to compulsions. It’s not easy, but the more you practice, the less power your anxiety will have over you. Whether it’s health anxiety, relationship fears, or any other form of reassurance seeking, the goal is to stop relying on compulsions and start embracing the uncertainty that comes with life.

If you’re feeling stuck in this cycle and want to break free from reassurance-seeking behaviors, our therapists are here to help. At our practice, we specialize in working with individuals and couples to develop healthy strategies for managing anxiety and overcoming compulsive patterns. Reach out today to take the first step toward regaining control and living a more empowered life.

Tips to Break the Cycle of Compulsive Confession OCD

Compulsive confession OCD can feel overwhelming and exhausting. You may constantly feel the urge to get something off your chest – whether it’s about things you’ve done, things you fear you might do, or even things that never happened but feel real to you. This can create a cycle of guilt and anxiety, leading to endless confessions.

If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone, and there are ways to manage these compulsions. Here are some tips to help you break the cycle:

1. Face the Fear of Not Confessing

One of the hardest parts of managing compulsive confession is resisting the urge to confess. Ask yourself: What is the worst that could happen if I don’t confess? Will there be negative feelings? Will there be a conflict? Does not confessing make me a bad person? Even if these things feel terrifying, challenge yourself to sit with these questions. Consider: What if I am capable of learning from mistakes? What if relationships can heal without constant confessions?

By facing these fears head-on, you take the first step toward reducing the power of your compulsions.

2. Delay the Confession

When the intrusive urge to confess arises, practice delaying it. If you typically confess immediately, start by waiting 10 minutes. Over time, increase the delay to 30 minutes, then an hour, and so on.

Delaying gives you time to sit with the urge and observe it without acting on it. As you practice this, the urge will begin to lose its intensity.

3. Sit with the Discomfort

Delaying the confession may feel extremely uncomfortable. You may feel a strong need to confess right away, as if doing so will relieve your anxiety. But sitting with this discomfort is crucial for progress. It’s okay to feel anxious – embrace it, and recognize that resisting the urge to confess is part of your healing.

Sitting with the discomfort teaches you that anxiety and fear will pass on their own, without needing to confess. The more you practice this, the more confident you’ll become in handling these urges.

4. Be Consistent

Consistency is key to overcoming compulsions. It will be tempting to give in and confess to feel an immediate sense of relief. But each time you give in, you’re reinforcing the cycle, making it harder to resist the next time. The more consistent you are in delaying confessions and sitting with discomfort, the faster you will see progress.

Each time you resist the urge to confess, you weaken the compulsion. Over time, you’ll regain control and the anxiety will lessen.

Next Steps: Seeking Professional Support

Managing compulsive confession OCD can be challenging, but you don’t have to face it alone. If you’re struggling to manage these compulsions on your own, working with a therapist experienced in treating OCD can be incredibly helpful. If you’re ready to take the next step, reach out to schedule an appointment. We’re here to help.

Supporting a Partner with OCD

OCD is tough enough to manage alone, let alone when another person is involved. For both partners, the experience can feel overwhelming and confusing. You may want to help your partner but feel unsure how to do so without making things worse. It’s important to approach support with understanding and the right strategies. Here are some ways you can help your partner cope with OCD.

 

Identify Their Compulsions

The first step to supporting your partner is understanding the compulsions they experience. This is something you can do together if they’re comfortable. Ask questions like: What specific compulsions do they engage in? Do they feel the need to repeat actions until things are “just right”? Do they struggle with constant reassurance-seeking?

Identifying these compulsions allows both of you to stay mindful of the triggers and patterns. This awareness is crucial for being proactive about how OCD impacts the relationship and everyday life.

 

Learn How You Can Be Helpful

As a partner, you can play an important role in your loved one’s recovery, but it requires intentionality. For instance, if your partner seeks constant reassurance, it can be tempting to provide answers just to ease their discomfort. However, as hard as it is, giving in to reassurance-seeking actually reinforces the compulsion and keeps them trapped in the cycle.

Instead, encourage them to work with a therapist (particularly one experienced in Exposure and Response Prevention, or ERP), who can help determine the best approach for diminishing compulsions. One helpful tactic you can adopt is responding to reassurance-seeking with “maybe, maybe not.” This response may feel uncomfortable at first, but it forces your partner to sit with the uncertainty, which is a key part of breaking the OCD cycle. Over time, this discomfort will decrease as they learn that they can tolerate it.

 

Provide Emotional Support

This journey is incredibly tough for your partner, and your emotional support will mean the world to them. Simply being there during moments of distress, when they’re resisting their compulsions or sitting with uncertainty, can be invaluable.

Offer reassurance not about their specific fears, but about your love and belief in their ability to manage OCD. Support them during therapy, celebrate their small wins, and remind them that their worth is not defined by OCD. Your steady presence can be a source of strength as they navigate these challenges.

 

Be Patient

Healing from OCD doesn’t happen overnight. There will be setbacks, moments of frustration, and times when it feels overwhelming for both of you. Patience and compassion are essential during this time. Recognize that OCD is a disorder, not a personal choice, and that overcoming it requires time and effort.

 

Encourage Professional Help

If you or your partner are struggling with OCD and would like professional guidance, we’re here to help. Our team specializes in helping individuals and couples manage OCD and build stronger, healthier relationships. Schedule an appointment today.