Reassurance Seeking with Anxiety and OCD

Reassurance seeking is when you ask someone a question from a place of fear, hoping to get an answer that will reduce your anxiety in the moment. This could be asking a loved one for reassurance about their feelings, or it could even be turning to Google to find answers about a symptom you’re experiencing. The underlying motivation is the same: you want to ease your discomfort right away. While it might help you feel better momentarily, relying on reassurance as a way to manage anxiety is actually a compulsion.

Compulsions are behaviors that people with anxiety or OCD use to neutralize or reduce their distress. In the case of reassurance seeking, the behavior reinforces the anxiety because each time you seek reassurance, you’re giving more power to that fear. The relief you feel is temporary, and over time, you become increasingly dependent on the reassurance. What we want to do is take away the power of these compulsions so you no longer feel the need to seek reassurance at all.

An Example: Health Anxiety

Let’s say you feel a new symptom that aligns with an illness you’re afraid of. Your first instinct might be to rush to Google and search for answers. Or maybe you reach out to someone and ask if they’ve ever experienced the same symptom, hoping to hear that it’s nothing serious. That momentary relief can feel really good. It’s comforting to know that you’re probably okay.

But what happens an hour later when the symptom returns? Or the next day when a new symptom pops up? You’re back in the same spiral, seeking reassurance all over again.

To break this cycle, work with a therapist to face the fear head-on. Instead of googling or asking someone else for reassurance, practice sitting with the discomfort. Acknowledge the symptom by saying, “I’m experiencing this right now, but I don’t need to know what it is.” If the symptom is still a concern in a few weeks, you can take steps toward figuring it out, but for now, sit with the uncertainty. It will be uncomfortable at first, but over time, it becomes easier.

Reassurance Seeking in Relationships

Reassurance seeking doesn’t only happen with health concerns—it can show up in relationships too. For example, if your partner is taking a while to respond to your text, you might feel compelled to ask them, “Do you still love me?” or “Are you cheating on me?” When they reassure you that everything is fine, it feels good in the moment. But what happens the next time they take a while to respond? The anxiety creeps back in, and you feel the urge to ask for reassurance all over again.

Instead of seeking reassurance and running away from the fear, try facing it. What if the fear is true? What if your partner doesn’t love you anymore? It might feel like the end of the world in the moment, but would it truly be the end of your world? Maybe it would be hard at first, and it would take time to heal, but it wouldn’t destroy you. In fact, you might find that good things come out of the situation—you’ll have more time for yourself, more room to grow, and you’ll learn valuable lessons along the way.

Taking Back Your Power

The key to overcoming reassurance seeking is learning to sit with the discomfort and face your fears rather than constantly giving in to compulsions. It’s not easy, but the more you practice, the less power your anxiety will have over you. Whether it’s health anxiety, relationship fears, or any other form of reassurance seeking, the goal is to stop relying on compulsions and start embracing the uncertainty that comes with life.

If you’re feeling stuck in this cycle and want to break free from reassurance-seeking behaviors, our therapists are here to help. At our practice, we specialize in working with individuals and couples to develop healthy strategies for managing anxiety and overcoming compulsive patterns. Reach out today to take the first step toward regaining control and living a more empowered life.

Tips to Break the Cycle of Compulsive Confession OCD

Compulsive confession OCD can feel overwhelming and exhausting. You may constantly feel the urge to get something off your chest – whether it’s about things you’ve done, things you fear you might do, or even things that never happened but feel real to you. This can create a cycle of guilt and anxiety, leading to endless confessions.

If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone, and there are ways to manage these compulsions. Here are some tips to help you break the cycle:

1. Face the Fear of Not Confessing

One of the hardest parts of managing compulsive confession is resisting the urge to confess. Ask yourself: What is the worst that could happen if I don’t confess? Will there be negative feelings? Will there be a conflict? Does not confessing make me a bad person? Even if these things feel terrifying, challenge yourself to sit with these questions. Consider: What if I am capable of learning from mistakes? What if relationships can heal without constant confessions?

By facing these fears head-on, you take the first step toward reducing the power of your compulsions.

2. Delay the Confession

When the intrusive urge to confess arises, practice delaying it. If you typically confess immediately, start by waiting 10 minutes. Over time, increase the delay to 30 minutes, then an hour, and so on.

Delaying gives you time to sit with the urge and observe it without acting on it. As you practice this, the urge will begin to lose its intensity.

3. Sit with the Discomfort

Delaying the confession may feel extremely uncomfortable. You may feel a strong need to confess right away, as if doing so will relieve your anxiety. But sitting with this discomfort is crucial for progress. It’s okay to feel anxious – embrace it, and recognize that resisting the urge to confess is part of your healing.

Sitting with the discomfort teaches you that anxiety and fear will pass on their own, without needing to confess. The more you practice this, the more confident you’ll become in handling these urges.

4. Be Consistent

Consistency is key to overcoming compulsions. It will be tempting to give in and confess to feel an immediate sense of relief. But each time you give in, you’re reinforcing the cycle, making it harder to resist the next time. The more consistent you are in delaying confessions and sitting with discomfort, the faster you will see progress.

Each time you resist the urge to confess, you weaken the compulsion. Over time, you’ll regain control and the anxiety will lessen.

Next Steps: Seeking Professional Support

Managing compulsive confession OCD can be challenging, but you don’t have to face it alone. If you’re struggling to manage these compulsions on your own, working with a therapist experienced in treating OCD can be incredibly helpful. If you’re ready to take the next step, reach out to schedule an appointment. We’re here to help.