If you often feel afraid that people in your life may hurt or leave you, you may struggle with insecure attachment. This is a common experience and happens when we’ve felt rejected or abandoned in some way during childhood.
What Is Insecure Attachment?
Insecure attachment falls into three main categories:
- Preoccupied attachment – Feeling anxious about relationships and seeking constant reassurance.
- Avoidant attachment – Withdrawing emotionally to protect yourself.
- Disorganized attachment – A mix of both anxious and avoidant behaviors, often rooted in deep fear and confusion about relationships.
It’s important to note that everyone experiences some level of attachment insecurity. It develops from early experiences – sometimes even small moments like being left alone to cry in your room as a toddler when you didn’t want to nap. In those moments, a child may feel abandoned, and because they don’t yet have the ability to regulate their emotions, the distress can feel overwhelming.
As we grow up, these early experiences shape how we respond to relationships. When we sense someone might leave us or hurt us, we often react in ways that once helped us feel safe as children – even if those reactions don’t serve us well as adults.
How Different Attachment Styles Show Up
When faced with relationship distress:
- Preoccupied attachment – You may try to pull closer, cling to the person, or prove your worth, hoping it will make them stay.
- Avoidant attachment – You may withdraw or shut down emotionally to protect yourself from feeling hurt.
These reactions aren’t conscious choices but deeply ingrained responses to early fears of abandonment.
Healing Insecure Attachment
The good news is that attachment styles aren’t set in stone. You can build a more secure connection with yourself and others over time. Therapy can be a powerful tool in this process – offering a safe space to experience a healthy, supportive relationship and develop new patterns of connection. Through this process, you can:
- Understand yourself on a deeper level.
- Work through underlying anxiety and fears.
- Strengthen your ability to feel secure and connected in relationships.
Attachment healing isn’t about never feeling anxious or withdrawn – it’s about recognizing these reactions, understanding where they come from, and learning how to respond in ways that create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
If you’re ready to work on building more secure relationships, consider reaching out to one of our therapists who can support you on this journey.
