Your Partner Isn’t Ready

You’re ready to talk to someone. They’re not, at least not yet. Maybe they’ve said no outright, maybe they’ve agreed and then backed out, maybe they’re willing to show up but not to actually engage once they’re in the room.

This is common, and it doesn’t mean the relationship is over, and it doesn’t mean you have to wait for their permission to get help yourself.

What Needs Attention Right Now

You can start individual work now. A lot of what’s useful in the first stage, sorting out what you’re feeling, deciding what you need, understanding your own part in the story, doesn’t require your partner in the room.

What Can Wait

Couples work can start later, when and if your partner is ready. You don’t have to force it, and pushing too hard too early often backfires.

What Therapy Can Help With

I think in teams, even when only one person is in the room. Working with you individually still gives us room to think about the relationship, what’s realistic to hope for, and what you can influence versus what you can’t. You cannot do both sides of a relationship, and you’re not responsible for making your partner ready.

Therapy can’t make someone else want help. It can help you stop waiting for them to change before you start taking care of yourself.

You may also want to read I Just Found Out or You Want to Understand Why This Happened.

See Jeni’s Availability or read What to Expect in Your First Session.