Reassurance Seeking with Anxiety and OCD

Reassurance seeking is when you ask someone a question from a place of fear, hoping to get an answer that will reduce your anxiety in the moment. This could be asking a loved one for reassurance about their feelings, or it could even be turning to Google to find answers about a symptom you’re experiencing. The underlying motivation is the same: you want to ease your discomfort right away. While it might help you feel better momentarily, relying on reassurance as a way to manage anxiety is actually a compulsion.

Compulsions are behaviors that people with anxiety or OCD use to neutralize or reduce their distress. In the case of reassurance seeking, the behavior reinforces the anxiety because each time you seek reassurance, you’re giving more power to that fear. The relief you feel is temporary, and over time, you become increasingly dependent on the reassurance. What we want to do is take away the power of these compulsions so you no longer feel the need to seek reassurance at all.

An Example: Health Anxiety

Let’s say you feel a new symptom that aligns with an illness you’re afraid of. Your first instinct might be to rush to Google and search for answers. Or maybe you reach out to someone and ask if they’ve ever experienced the same symptom, hoping to hear that it’s nothing serious. That momentary relief can feel really good. It’s comforting to know that you’re probably okay.

But what happens an hour later when the symptom returns? Or the next day when a new symptom pops up? You’re back in the same spiral, seeking reassurance all over again.

To break this cycle, work with a therapist to face the fear head-on. Instead of googling or asking someone else for reassurance, practice sitting with the discomfort. Acknowledge the symptom by saying, “I’m experiencing this right now, but I don’t need to know what it is.” If the symptom is still a concern in a few weeks, you can take steps toward figuring it out, but for now, sit with the uncertainty. It will be uncomfortable at first, but over time, it becomes easier.

Reassurance Seeking in Relationships

Reassurance seeking doesn’t only happen with health concerns—it can show up in relationships too. For example, if your partner is taking a while to respond to your text, you might feel compelled to ask them, “Do you still love me?” or “Are you cheating on me?” When they reassure you that everything is fine, it feels good in the moment. But what happens the next time they take a while to respond? The anxiety creeps back in, and you feel the urge to ask for reassurance all over again.

Instead of seeking reassurance and running away from the fear, try facing it. What if the fear is true? What if your partner doesn’t love you anymore? It might feel like the end of the world in the moment, but would it truly be the end of your world? Maybe it would be hard at first, and it would take time to heal, but it wouldn’t destroy you. In fact, you might find that good things come out of the situation—you’ll have more time for yourself, more room to grow, and you’ll learn valuable lessons along the way.

Taking Back Your Power

The key to overcoming reassurance seeking is learning to sit with the discomfort and face your fears rather than constantly giving in to compulsions. It’s not easy, but the more you practice, the less power your anxiety will have over you. Whether it’s health anxiety, relationship fears, or any other form of reassurance seeking, the goal is to stop relying on compulsions and start embracing the uncertainty that comes with life.

If you’re feeling stuck in this cycle and want to break free from reassurance-seeking behaviors, our therapists are here to help. At our practice, we specialize in working with individuals and couples to develop healthy strategies for managing anxiety and overcoming compulsive patterns. Reach out today to take the first step toward regaining control and living a more empowered life.

Tips to Break the Cycle of Compulsive Confession OCD

Compulsive confession OCD can feel overwhelming and exhausting. You may constantly feel the urge to get something off your chest – whether it’s about things you’ve done, things you fear you might do, or even things that never happened but feel real to you. This can create a cycle of guilt and anxiety, leading to endless confessions.

If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone, and there are ways to manage these compulsions. Here are some tips to help you break the cycle:

1. Face the Fear of Not Confessing

One of the hardest parts of managing compulsive confession is resisting the urge to confess. Ask yourself: What is the worst that could happen if I don’t confess? Will there be negative feelings? Will there be a conflict? Does not confessing make me a bad person? Even if these things feel terrifying, challenge yourself to sit with these questions. Consider: What if I am capable of learning from mistakes? What if relationships can heal without constant confessions?

By facing these fears head-on, you take the first step toward reducing the power of your compulsions.

2. Delay the Confession

When the intrusive urge to confess arises, practice delaying it. If you typically confess immediately, start by waiting 10 minutes. Over time, increase the delay to 30 minutes, then an hour, and so on.

Delaying gives you time to sit with the urge and observe it without acting on it. As you practice this, the urge will begin to lose its intensity.

3. Sit with the Discomfort

Delaying the confession may feel extremely uncomfortable. You may feel a strong need to confess right away, as if doing so will relieve your anxiety. But sitting with this discomfort is crucial for progress. It’s okay to feel anxious – embrace it, and recognize that resisting the urge to confess is part of your healing.

Sitting with the discomfort teaches you that anxiety and fear will pass on their own, without needing to confess. The more you practice this, the more confident you’ll become in handling these urges.

4. Be Consistent

Consistency is key to overcoming compulsions. It will be tempting to give in and confess to feel an immediate sense of relief. But each time you give in, you’re reinforcing the cycle, making it harder to resist the next time. The more consistent you are in delaying confessions and sitting with discomfort, the faster you will see progress.

Each time you resist the urge to confess, you weaken the compulsion. Over time, you’ll regain control and the anxiety will lessen.

Next Steps: Seeking Professional Support

Managing compulsive confession OCD can be challenging, but you don’t have to face it alone. If you’re struggling to manage these compulsions on your own, working with a therapist experienced in treating OCD can be incredibly helpful. If you’re ready to take the next step, reach out to schedule an appointment. We’re here to help.

How to Support a Partner with Anxiety

Being in a relationship with someone who has anxiety can sometimes be challenging. As a partner, you want nothing more than to see them happy and thriving. Witnessing their struggles can be heart-wrenching, especially when you feel powerless to help. However, your support can make a significant difference. Here are some effective ways to support your partner:

Ask How You Can Help

Before jumping in to help, ask your partner what they need. Anxiety can make unsolicited assistance feel overwhelming. Phrases like, “How can I support you right now?” or “Is there something specific I can do to help?” show respect for their boundaries and allow them to guide you on how to be most effective.

Be Present

Instead of immediately offering advice, be present and listen. Your partner may just need a compassionate ear rather than solutions. Advice like “Just breathe” or “Calm down” might seem helpful but can be frustrating for someone dealing with anxiety. These phrases can make them feel misunderstood or alone. Focus on providing a non-judgmental space where they can express their feelings without fear of dismissal.

 

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Ask Them How They’re Feeling

Encourage your partner to share their emotions. Ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling today?” or “What’s on your mind?” This invites them to open up about their experiences and feelings. Sometimes, simply acknowledging and validating their emotions can provide immense relief.

Learn About Their Triggers

Understanding what triggers your partner’s anxiety can help you avoid inadvertently causing distress. Talk to your partner about their specific triggers and work together to create strategies to manage them.

Encourage Professional Help

Support your partner in seeking professional help if they aren’t already. Therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can be incredibly beneficial for managing anxiety. Offer to help them find a therapist or accompany them to appointments if they find it supportive. Schedule an appointment today.

4 Tips to Help Teens Adjust as They Return to School

The past year and some change has been difficult for people worldwide. For many teens, it was the first time in their lives they didn’t have to wake up and take the bus to school.

While you might think they’d be happy about that, the change was marked with fear and uncertainty. They were unable to see their friends everyday like before. Their extracurriculars took a hit. They may have experienced a spike in anxiety or depression.

However, humans are remarkably adaptable. And as it’s time to return to onsite learning, there are ways you can help ease the transition for your teen.

1. Establish Routine

One of the most important aspects of getting back into the old swing of things is establishing a routine. Get into this routine as soon as possible.

For instance, your teen may have been staying up late or sleeping in with remote learning. For many teens, this is a hard pattern to break. So, encourage them to go to bed at a regular time. You can also encourage them to eat breakfast. Not only is it fuel for their body, but it can be a positive start to their day.

You can also help them get into a better routine of doing their homework in the afternoon or evening so they have time to relax before bed. Other aspects of this routine can include chores or family time.

2. Empathize and Reassure

Your teen may be anxious to return to onsite learning with COVID-19 still looming. One way you can help ease their anxiety is by providing reassurance and confidence in the decision for in-person classes. After all, you’re living through the pandemic as well and this shared experience allows you to empathize with them.

Although they may be in a life stage where they’re discovering their independence, your teen still looks to you for comfort and support. If they are worried about seeing their peers again, remind them they haven’t lost their social skills overnight.

Emotional validation is key. Be sure to listen to them without interrupting when they express their fears or struggles.

3. Highlight Self Care

While it’s important to encourage your teen to get into a routine and reassure them, it’s also important to remember that this won’t be a magic fix. There will still likely be some anxiety about it all.

That’s why it’s also important to encourage self care as a part of your teen’s routine. Taking care of their emotional and physical needs during a stressful time will go a long way in helping them cope. You can:

  • Encourage them to take walks outside or try a new activity like yoga.
  • Encourage them to keep up with favorite hobbies.
  • Make sure they’re eating and sleeping well.
  • Allow them time to connect with others socially, either on the phone or socially distanced.
  • Take breaks from watching the news or scrolling through social media.

4. Celebrate the Positives

During stressful times, it helps to celebrate the positive things happening in life. Is there anything your teen is looking forward to about the return to school? Perhaps they’re excited to see a favorite teacher or a good friend. Maybe they did well on a quiz they were nervous about. Or it might excite them to partake in extracurriculars again.

Ask them what the best part of their day was when they get home. Even if it’s something small, celebrating it creates a positive track for the next day.

A teenager’s life is full of change and transition, pandemic excluded. With the health crisis on top of it, it’s understandable that they might be anxious about returning to school. For many, it has been a stressful and traumatic year. But you can help your teen make the most of returning to onsite learning and set them up for success.

Need extra support? Reach out today so we can help get you on a positive path and create healthy coping skills.

Recognizing Postpartum Anxiety: Common Symptoms and How to Seek Help

When your baby cries in public, do you immediately focus on the eyes around you? Do you think people judge you for being a “bad” mother? Do you feel more fear for your child than joy?

You may be experiencing postpartum anxiety, a close cousin of postpartum depression. Once family and friends start gushing over the new baby and how exciting of a time this is, it can quickly induce a sense of guilt for not being upbeat and grateful every moment of every day.

Know that you have nothing to feel guilty for, and most importantly, you are not alone.

How Common is Postpartum Anxiety?

According to the American Pregnancy Association, 10% of new mothers are affected by postpartum anxiety, and many more go undiagnosed. If left untreated, postpartum anxiety can turn into a lifelong battle with anxiety.

However, feeling some anxiety is understandable. An unfamiliar part of your identity is forming—you are a protector now. Of course, some anxiety is going to come with this new, very real responsibility, but when it gets in the way of your happiness and productivity, it could be time to dig deeper.

What Are The Potential Triggers?

25-35% of postpartum anxiety cases begin during pregnancy, but most occur anytime between birth and the child’s first birthday. For some, weaning off of breastfeeding can cause out-of-control anxiety. For others, the feelings of edginess after giving birth never seems to cease, and for good reason.

Pregnancy kick-starts a huge hormonal uptick in us. Within 24 hours of giving birth, those hormone levels drop back down to close to zero. For anyone, this would require some change to regain a sense of normalcy.

What Symptoms Should I Look For?

Mental Symptoms

In general, anxiety disorders are characterized by new feelings of excessive worry, spiraling thoughts, and overall dread. You may feel hyper-vigilant, always on edge, and ready for disaster to strike at any moment. If you lost a sense of normalcy that used to be characterized by routine, calmness, and balance, counseling can help you get back on your feet.

Physical Symptoms

Anxiety manifests itself in both mental and physical ways. Physically, it can show as hot flashes, unexplained dizziness, difficulty sleeping (whether having trouble falling or staying asleep), rapid heartbeat, or unexplained nausea. If you struggle with some or all of these symptoms, it may be time to seek professional help.

How Can I Get Help?

Once the baby arrives, everything changes—chaotic sleeping schedules, extra amounts of responsibility, new relationship expectations… The list of anxiety-inducing adjustments goes on.

So what can you do? Well, you can count on a combination of support from loved ones as well as therapy. Postpartum lifestyles can lead to feelings of loneliness. Hiding away from friends and family with nothing to listen to but your own intrusive thoughts will only lead to more anxiety.

Talk to someone to lighten the load. Understand that you are allowed to vent about your new lifestyle. After all, it is stressful!

Learn to ask for a break from baby duties—they say it takes a village to raise a child, and it is never too late to start building yours.

Work to change irrational thinking patterns. As a new mother, you are going to feel deep concern for your baby. However, anxiety can fill our minds with fears that are irrational and less-than-helpful to consider. Working with a therapist can help you break down thought patterns that lead to unproductive spirals—does green poop mean your baby is deathly ill, or is that just what baby poop looks like sometimes?

Try to fit relaxation techniques into your day, like meditation or mindfulness training. Exercise can help ease anxiety, too, and both will contribute toward a better night’s sleep.

Overall, remember that taking care of yourself is taking care of your baby. It is not selfish or weak to seek help—it is responsible and mature of you to do so. Once you are ready to take the next step at beating postpartum anxiety, reach out to one of our counselors.

Signs Your Teen Might Be Anxious About Returning to School—What to Do About It

Change can cause anyone to feel more anxiety than usual, but change while your body experiences dramatic hormonal growth? A perfect storm.

As summer draws to a close, parents may notice that their bright and bubbly teen is spending more time in their bedroom, avoiding summer practices, and growing more irritable by the minute. While return-to-school anxiety is real for many students every year, it should not impede their social and mental health.

Let’s go over how you can best support your teen this school year, and how the pandemic may contribute to their anxiety.

Early Signs of Anxiety

Think back to pre-pandemic times. Did your child make a habit of missing class because of stress? While a mental health day is important now and then, once it becomes the only way to de-stress from school, it is time to intervene.

Early signs can also look like repeated visits to the school nurse or calls and texts asking to leave early. All these stressors may be enhanced under the haze of COVID-19.

What Do We Consider “Normal” Anxiety Now?

Remember that anxiety is a normal human emotion, just like sadness, excitement, and annoyance. It is particularly useful for identifying threats in our environment, as well as risks before making tough calls. Anxiety keeps us safe by nature.

However, it becomes problematic when our fear level becomes higher than the threat in the environment.

But let’s be clear: the nature of this pandemic shifted our understanding of what “normal” and “harmful” amounts of anxiety look like. Anxiety becomes harmful for teens when they experience…

  • Lower grades
  • Less time spent with friends
  • Lower school attendance
  • Unexplained headaches or stomach aches

Our trained counselors can help teens cope with school-related anxiety if at-home efforts do not seem to be enough.

Ways To Best Support Your Teen At Home

Have a Positive COVID-19 Test Plan

If your child is afraid of testing positive, do not promise them a future that is out of your control. Instead, come up with a plan together to feel as prepared as you can. This will ease more of their anxiety than ignoring their concern altogether.

The CDC is a great resource for staying up-to-date on COVID precautions and protocol. You should also reach out to your school about their plan for positive COVID-19 cases.

Be A Steady and Predictable Element in Their Life

Before the pandemic, did you pack them the same lunch every day? Toss in a handwritten motivational note? Whip up breakfast on test days? Ask yourself what routines worked pre-pandemic and re-establish the most successful ones.

In addition, try to provide a consistent and non-judgemental listening ear. A lot of a person’s anxiety can clear up just by knowing someone is always there to talk to when things become too much.

Work Collaboratively

Empower your teen and their ability to problem-solve by asking them guided questions, like…

  • How much do you feel capable of doing right now?
  • How can I support you?
  • Is there anyone else you want help from?
  • How can we make going back to school easier?

Remember that children are resilient and adaptable by nature, and it is our job to highlight how to self-regulate anxiety. Consider admitting any time you feel anxious yourself. You could say, “This day wiped me out. Want to go on a walk through the Metropark?”

With the right modeling and messaging from parents, teens can overcome their anxiety and reap the benefits of in-person schooling again. If the constant worry ever becomes debilitating for your child, trust that our counselors can help. Make an appointment today and together, we can get back on track.